The Not-So Gymtastic Days

The photo above, that's my lovely mugshot that pops up on the computer screen every time I check-in at the gym.  If it weren't for an employee at the front desk thinking that I was someone else the other night I probably would would have never seen this and been so... um shocked?  So thanks Planet Fitness front desk lady for reminding me of those earlier, unhealthy days and indirectly inspiring me to write this entry!

I know I haven't really touched upon what exactly I do/did in terms of exercise, but I'm getting there!  Since I'm all about talking about feelings let's start with that first.  Well, the first time I stepped into the gym when I started my weight loss journey it was mortifying.  Paranoid doesn't even begin to describe how I was feeling.  Opening the door and approaching the front desk, I had this overwhelming sense that every single person was staring at me and judging me for being overweight when in all actuality that was definitely in my own head.  Don't you just love that?  In my all black-outfit, because that's the only color I would wear for the longest time, I proceeded to go to the treadmill ALL the way in the back corner.  I figured if I isolated myself then nobody would look at my sad excuse of a work-out.  It's truly how I really felt.  Isn't the self-esteem just radiating?

Well anyway, I hopped on the treadmill and starting walking at 2.5 mph and every couple of minutes I increased the speed by .1 mph and eventually I was at 3.4 mph.  I kept staring at the time hoping that the next thirty minutes would just be over already because being there felt like torture.  Towards the end of the thirty minute interval, I was curious to see how much I could run so I kicked it up to 4 mph, which now is a slow jog, but then felt like an intense sprint.  A whopping three minutes later I was severely winded and breaking a sweat.  I had to stop and I remember being beyond disappointed and angry with myself.  I went on to do the elliptical and a few strength training machines that day, but on the car ride home I thought about the personal disappointment I was carrying.  Then I thought, you know at least I went to the gym today and I'm making a positive change so I need to stop knocking myself.   Yes things are going to be hard at first, but it will get better.  Over a year later I can proudly say it did get better.  Three minutes at 4 mph has now turned into ninty minutes anywhere between 6-7.5 mph.   Each time I continued going to the gym I gained more and more confidence with the exercises I was doing and with my overall attitude in that environment. After about a month or so I lost that initial fear that others were judging me and I even began to go in the front row of machines.  It was a small subtle step, but it meant a lot to me.

I'm sure there are many of you that might dread going to the gym or exercising for the same reason that I did because it meant you had to come to terms with how out of  shape you are.  My advice is just to take the first step, which is getting up and doing something active.  Nobody right out of the gate will be able to perform like a professional athlete, but if you stick with a schedule and gradually increase the intensity and duration of your workouts you'll see the progress, I promise!